So apparently there is no cure to this disease that I have. I am still not motivated and the classes that I am in are boring as hell. Normally I would have found them slightly interesting and possibly engaging but right now I am falling asleep, and without a speck of an attempt to try. What is wrong with me? My mind still believes it's winter break and that might be the reason that I can't really get myself to sit down and do anything properly and remember what I am doing.

 I am forgetting homework, forgetting things to bring to class, etc etc and it just seems like my mind is elsewhere and I need to get control of it. BLAH.

  In other news, I kind of did something that I normally wouldn't have done. I went out with a bunch of boys that I didn't really know before last night (I mean they live in my dorm but we're not super close) and I made wonderful new friends out of it. I mean...that's what happens, when you just take chances and you decide to step out of your comfort zone for once. I know sometimes it's dangerous but I feel like taking risks like that can come back with tons of benefits, none of which you would have gotten any other way.

  It was a nice break from the norm and my usual attitude of you get what you ask for.

  This weekend has been fun and has been good but I'm definitely not ready to get back to work tomorrow. God, that just sounds darn awful.

 Well, the only thing that has changed since my last entry is that it is now the third week of school but my mind still refuses to believe that. It almost feels like Fall semester of freshman year, which is NOT a good sign. I have absolutely no motivation to do anything and all my body wants to do is veg out, sleep and watch some house while gorging on some trail mix. If only life was as good as that is for me right now.

 I need some advice. How do I turn this senioritis thing around? It's almost as if my body has matured two years too early and the shit is hitting the fan two years in advance. BLAH.

 My life has been pretty hectic and I have had to go face-to-face with my insecurity for a little while which is unsettling. But I seem to have come to terms with the fact that I *am* insecure and therefore am slowly coming to terms with it. I'm not going to go into details with it because that would involve rehashing a somewhat painful and prolonged process but one that now seems worth it and seems like a good choice in the end. It was basically a choice between what you feel and what others tell you you should feel. The answer seems easy at first sight but when you realize that you can't live this world alone, your brain immediately becomes confuddled and that's where I was just a week ago. I've recently found my peace of mind and I'm thankful for that alone.

  Now the only obstacle that I have to overcome is my lack of motivation and my lack of focus. BLAH.

      So believe it or not, I have been back in school for a week. It feels like it's been a hell of a lot longer than that, to be quite honest. Work is piling up super high already and what time I have outside of class is being split up into different activities. The new show that we are in the process of making seems like it's well on its way and the machine just needs a little more grease before it keeps itself running. So it should be good. I will let you know what happens with that later, probably.

     This year, I have been keeping a diary. I've been pretty good about it for this past week or so, writing down my woes and feelings for the day. I guess that's what livejournal is for but I think it makes me seem like I'm on nothing but the internet, although that is true nonetheless. I guess there are things that I would like to keep to myself sometimes and that's what the written diary is for. Both allow me to think a little bit and reflect so I'm getting benefits out of the both of them. :)

     Anyway, congrats to Robert for the big Golden Globe win! None of the magazines I have been reading predicted him to be the winner but HA. He aced his speech and lifted the heavy air for a bit. My old man is kind of a big deal. I don't really care that he is married at this point. :P Everyone should go on YouTube and check it out. :D

     I think that's the note that I should end this on. I just wanted to say that I was back at Duke, not really ready for another semester's worth of work and stress. This is supposed to be getting easier but I'm feeling just the opposite. Maybe I need a break. Blah.

     Be back soon.

 I have so much to tell you, I don't know where to begin. The beginning. That's a good place to start, I guess.

 So the night before I am scheduled to board a plane at 6am bound for JFK, I get a call from American Airlines, saying that my flight was cancelled. It was an automated message so before I could process it and go "WHAT THE WHAT?", the robot lady hung up on me. Agitated and confused, I called and believe it or not, all the morning flights out of RDU are being canceled and the next flight out would be at 2pm. Furious at the fact that I would be losing a precious day in New York, I ripped into them, asking for flights and different airlines but they weren't very nice. So I had to settle for that one.

 Then I get to RDU and the plane gets delayed for about 2 hours. At this point, I was so tired of their bullshit, I just decided to say "whatever" and chill out. So I get on the plane and my seat, it turns out is at the very very very back (the last row), right in front of the bathroom and right next to the engine. I looked out the window and to my incredible dismay, my luggage was sitting out there in a cart with a couple of others. I waited for it to be boarded onto my plane but then my plane started moving. Scared shitless, I called the flight attendant.

 "Excuse me, but those are my bags and...it seems we're leaving without them."

The attendant tells me that the plane is overweight, too heavy. So they needed to leave a couple of bags behind. It'll come after you, he said. Just an hour or so.

 At this point, I was just plain feeling depressed. Straight up. Why did I decide to come to New York? Is "A Little Night Music" and Catherine Zeta-Jones going to be worth all this hardship? At the time, I doubted that.

 So I get to JFK, ask them where my luggage is. They say they have no idea and that they will have it delivered within the next 24 hours. I ripped into the poor lady at the desk and she explained that she was just trying to do her job. I left in a rage and in retrospect, I had no right to go off at her like that. I know she won't get to read this but, I apologize.

 I get to my hotel and it's the only good thing for that day. I get there, without my luggage, and find out that it's a really nice room, with a nice TV and a giant bed. On that bed, on a cushion with "Sweet Dreams" engraved, is a magazine with Catherine Zeta-Jones on the cover. I almost thought I could understand what it feels like to be Michael Douglas for a split second. But I was obviously beside myself and not of a sane mind. Oh, if only I knew of the things that were to come, I wouldn't have brushed it off as a coincidence.

 

 I got there at 7:30pm, so I decided to head out to Manhattan to do some night sight-seeing. I was driven to Times Square where I found, to my incredible happiness, a humongous billboard of Downey Jr. I asked for someone to take a photo of me standing in front of it.

 
 
 At this point, I realize that I am completely alone and it's the first time that I am traveling, completely alone, by myself. No one else around. It felt refreshing, I felt relaxed. No one waiting for me to join them but I have all the time in the world to get the perfect picture of some random thing that strikes my fancy. No "let's meet here at a certain time." Being alone, has its privileges and on this trip, I got to experience only those.

 Ever since a very very long time ago, I had a fantasy. It was to listen to Christmas Carols while in Times Square, by myself. I didn't get the chance to do it this past thanksgiving break when I was with my friends but I sat on the red steps in front of the bronze statue, pulled out my iPod and turned on Nat King Cole, "The Christmas Song." I felt tears coming to my eyes and I laughed them off but the euphoria that is involved with seeing a fantasy realize itself in front of your very eyes is incredible. You have the biggest urge to cry, and this will be reinforced later in the trip.

 At around 11:30, I headed back to my hotel. I watched a little television and I went back to sleep, because tomorrow was going to be a big day. One of the biggest of my life.



  Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

 So I got up at around 9am the next morning, took a shower and headed back out to Manhattan for a whole day of traveling! I asked them to drop me off at 58th, which is the very outer edges of Central Park. I wandered all around it and it was beautiful, in a depressing way, with the bare trees and the dead leaves all over the ground. It looked like a battlefield, stripped of all life until further notice.

 The Mall was beautiful, a stretch of two lines of trees to the statue of the angel and the fountain. It was eerie to see the statue myself when I had seen it just in Angels of America and Meryl Streep had walked where I had walked. I hadn't been on many "movie" location places, so this was another first for me.



 So I wandered, a lot. I went about halfway up Central Park and walked back down to Rockefeller Center for a tour of the NBC Studios. I didn't get to see the SNL set but did get to see a lot of cool things. Probably made me want to work for them just a little more.

 Then I set up a dinner to meet my friend whom I hadn't seen for about 7 years. She and I went to middle school together quite briefly and we had only gotten back in touch a couple of months ago. I found that she was living in New York and studying fashion so we decided to meet up at this Fusion Korean Restaurant that seems to be quite famous now. Butterflies were flying everywhere in my system because A Little Night Music was in a couple of hours. I left slightly early to run to the theater so I could take pictures in privacy. I didn't want people looking at me like I am crazy. Which, admittedly, I am.



 So there is the Walter Kerr Theater. In ALL its glory. It was a tiny little theater but for me it felt like the biggest thing I would be entering. It's a strange feeling that I can't quite explain. I felt nauseous, excited, euphoric and a little sad at the same time. A complete whirlwind of emotion, all thanks to one beautiful lady.

 

 So there's me. And I thought that was probably the closest I was going to get to a picture of Catherine Zeta-Jones and the closest I would be to her physically. Oh boy was I wrong.

 

So 6:45pm, I am seated in my orchestra seat, for which I payed about $140 (almost as much as the flight to New York from Durham). I am dying with anticipation and my eyes are straining to make sure that I can see everything on stage. The lights dim, and I am transported to another world.
 
 The musical was beyond expectations. It was funny, beautiful, witty, avant-garde and surprisingly modern. The music was unbelievable (especially Catherine's rendition of 'Send in the Clowns'. I thought I was going to die) and the stage was really really adaptive and was impressive, for such a small stage. I thoroughly enjoyed it and would watch it again if I had the chance. 

 The moment it finished, I was starting to come down from my high but I exited quickly, because before entering, I had spotted a stage door. When I came out of the theater, people were already lining up by the door, so I made my way quickly there as well, grabbing a spot right in front of the metal rails they put up to make sure we stayed on our side. As a result, I couldn't buy any of the merchandise (which was a little sad, afterward.)

 I waited, for about half an hour in the freezing cold, my stomach shaking from the chills and the anticipation of a dream possibly coming true. It was an incredible feeling, pathetic yet so genuine, it was frightening. The actors came out one by one and I got the autographs of everyone I could.

 Then there she was.

 Coming out with a smile and a pen and a hello to an unexpecting fan. People's heads turned and the masses were moving, just to get closer to her. I took pictures and time seemed to fly as well as stand still. She was coming towards me step by step. Then eventually, she looked at me, smiled and grabbed my play bill. My voice seemed shot but I attempted one word, at least.

 'I thought you were spectacular.'

 She smiled and went right back to my signing. I said thank you so much and she said thank you back. I don't quite remember what happened after that but I think I died and probably went to heaven. I had never met a hollywood star before and I am so glad that she was my first, because she is one of the most important ones that I needed to meet before I died. God, it makes me tingle just thinking about the contact. Call me lame all you want, but it was a surreal experience. Talk to me when you've met her.

 



So there was the end to my 2009 and my last trip to New York for the next little while. It was much more than I could ask for and I'm guessing I must have done a lot of good things this past year that Santa obviously liked.

 It was an unforgettable trip.


 

Welcome me, LiveJournal. For I stand before you here today to tell you that I survived the final days of 2009. I will not be burdened by any kind of academic work for an entire MONTH. Oh how sweet it feels.

I know I've done finals many, many times in my career as a student but for some reason, this one feels more vivid, the one that I'll remember for a long time. I don't remember what finals were like last year (maybe because I wasn't nearly as stressed and didn't study as much) but I think I will remember this one for years to come. If it's any different, I will refer back to this post and officially label myself, a hypocrite.

I probably shouldn't be posting on LJ at my exact moment of freedom but you're the first one I wanted to tell because I know you're the only one that's going to remember what I said, verbatim, right at this moment when I finished everything. First semester of Sophomore year...done.

It's bittersweet though. I'm so glad to be just be done with this semester but I'm definitely not glad that my time left here in Gothic Wonderland is chiming down. It's an unpleasant feeling. Soon I'll have to be neck-and-neck with those I-Bankers, lawyers, doctors, criminals, celebrities...what am I if not a student? I've never tried anything else and the fact that the moment when I need to shed every inch of my comfort zone all at once is approaching, is quite horrifying.

I definitely know this is not working out for me when I'm becoming silghtly saddened about the fact that finals are over.

End of entry, broskis.

See you in New York.

WHAT THE WHAT?!?!
This man will be the death of me.

...That hair!!!...the..checkered shirt.....*faints*

And by "Underground" I mean, the epic horrors of reading period and final exams (which have officially started today.)

I obviously have not posted anything recently because I am in the depths of my notes and the lectures for all of my classes, not knowing how to get through this and where to start. I have been in the Engineering Building for the past 4 days and only have been back in my room to shower and once to sleep for 13 hours. But that's it. In the past 4 days, I have slept about 17 hours. I don't know what that works out to, exactly but hey you can do math too.

All the studying that I didn't do and all the work that I didn't have while I was overloading during the semester is allllll catching up with me right now. 4 exams in 4 days, isn't really that bad compared to everyone else. But it's still a hell of a lot of work. The only reason I can even be posting an entry right now is because I've been surprisingly and relatively diligent. How that occurred I'm not exactly all that sure. :/

Anyway, there are stranger things happening besides finals and me studying but I'm not sure if I know enough about the situation to even share with anyone, and I probably shouldn't at this point in time. It's incredibly interesting and when it all ends and I have the good answers, I perhaps will share with you. Or maybe I won't. I'll leave you hanging on this one, unlike everything else where I'm sure some people think that it's too much information and unnecessary sharing. But sharing is fun. So is ranting.

I should probably get back to my research paper writing for bonus marks ( HAHA sad life, I know. ) I'm sure all of you are leading much more exciting lives than me at the moment, unless you're a college student reading this, in which case, I can sympathize.

Will probably be back later when all of this nonsense ends, which is...Sunday.

Cheers until the next time we meet.

So I'm back at Duke. Have been for the past two days.


The last couple of days in New York were just epic, to say the least. I shopped over night for Black Friday and then some more in the afternoon and my thanksgiving dinner was Chocolate Pizza and Chocolate Tiramisu from Max Brenner. DELICIOUS.

Now, I just face a crapload of work on my desk that is just growing due to my lack of incentive to actually get back into the groove. I just want this semester to be over so I can go home and become a vegetable again but I can't. My hard work until now all rests on how I do on my final exams. How much life can suck, I will never grasp.

A part of me thinks that time goes by too quickly. In two weeks, I have finals and then the end of this semester which means I have that much less of a college career to enjoy. Then again in two weeks, finals are finished, this semester ends and I get to go to New York again to see Catherine Zeta-Jones on Broadway and then head home for a good month for absolute rest. How I wish I could control time, just the way I want it.

But seriously, I should get to work.

Will be back once this week ends.

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009 - Day 2


Hello, world. I'm back again. No matter how much you don't care to hear about my epic New York adventures, I'm going to tell you because it makes me feel good and that's all that matters. For now, anyway.

So we woke up at 9:15am this morning and got ready. We were out the door by around 11am and had Dunkin Donuts munchkins and a French Vanilla coffee (it was really really good.) Then, we took the 5 Train to South Ferry to get on the ferry to Liberty and Ellis Islands to see the Statue of Liberty. I had been past it before and it was also cloudy back then, but it was different this time. First of all, I had a much better camera so that was a plus but this time I took the time to just take in the breathtaking sight. It was much less colder than the last time I had come so, we took the leisure of getting off at the island and taking the time to go around it. We took a ton of pictures and by ton, I mean hundreds.

We didn't get off at Ellis Island because we were already feeling exhausted (so out of shape, it's ridiculous.) Then, we got off, walked up Broadway past Ground Zero, Wall Street and then stopped at SoHo, our destination. We shopped a little bit and unable to fight our hunger, we went searching for a pizzeria (because, well, New York Pizza) and people pointed us out to a certain Ben's Pizzeria. It was one of the best pizzas I have ever had and yeah, I gorged on some nice marinara sauce and garlic knots. We shopped some more till we got really super tired and decided to come back home on the 5 Train. We came back much earlier than we did yesterday but we're planning on shopping over night tomorrow, so much rest is needed tonight. :)

I guess not as many interesting things happened today but it was still very fun and we got to see the southern part of Manhattan, so all was worth it. :)

I may not be back tomorrow with an entry since I'll be shopping so I'll fill y'all in when I get back to Duke, I guess. :)

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009 - Day 1


So today was the official first day of my stay here in NYC. We set the alarm for 8AM and I woke up at around 6:45AM, complaining of a headache and all such. My friend decided that we should sleep for another hour and we turned the alarm off and went back to bed. After some time (and what seemed like only a split second) our generous host came into our room and said "Girls, not getting up?" And we both woke up and asked "WHAT TIME IS IT?" and it was 10. My friend got up, and I did not. I ended up getting out of bed at around 11. So much for 8AM, huh? But then I realized. What's the point of a vacation if you're more stressed out than you would have been had you stayed at home and vegged out. Vacation is about relaxing and doing what you want to do. Sightseeing is important, but not if it adds to the amount of stress that you've already been feeling up to this point. So there, I justified myself. Yet again.

Anyway, I was craving some hard core American breakfast food and there happened to be a nice cafe just down the block. It was pretty cozy and small but they had two "waiters" (although it just seemed like a cafe and a bakery) and I ordered Three Eggs made to order with toast, bacon and potatoes. It was so legit and a lot cheaper than I expected that it was such a great start to my day. I figured we had gotten lucky with our choice of places to eat.

Then, my friend and I headed over to the Empire State Building, where we flew up 86 floors to go up to the observatory and, well, observe. We took many many photos and the day was a nice day so I got a lot of really high quality, nice pictures. It was crowded but just vacant enough that we could stay in one spot for as long as we wanted to. I had been to ESB before but it was at night time and although it was really beautiful, it was really really cold and obviously the pictures didn't turn out very well. So I got the best of both worlds and it reinforced my belief that people should always visit one place twice. You get so much out of it the second time around and they're all different things!

We decided to wander East, towards Grand Central Station and the Chrysler Building. We got distracted by boots along the way (we each purchased a new pair) and took a lot of pictures. Starving for some sugar highs, we walked into a small cafe called Aroma and ordered a chocolate croissant and two hot chocolates. It was probably one of the best hot chocolates I have ever had. The chocolate was so pure and genuine that it was just pure heaven to drink it with legit milk. It was some random cafe on 42nd, and bam, we have ourselves a little treasure of a place. Seriously, New York is where it's at.

We walked past Chrysler, the United Nations building and then set off in search of Rockefeller Center. When I turned the corner to discover the two line of angels blowing trumpets and the view of 30 Rock from the bottom (like the B-Roll in 30Rock, the show), it was definitely cool and I'm so glad my friends humored me and took about 100 photos of me outside of 30 Rock and inside, with the Peacock. I bought two t-shirts (one SNL and one 30Rock), so there went more of my money. But it was most definitely worth it. 30Rock was awesome.

Then we wandered over to Times Square to chill there for a little bit (but not before grabbing the MOST DELICIOUS CUPCAKE I HAVE EVER HAD at Magnolia Bakery) before heading over to a Japanese restaurant where we had made reservations earlier. We met up with my friend's friends and had dinner together. Let me just say, Shrimp Tempura Roll at Sushi Zen. That is all. We all had such satisfying meals, it was ridiculous.

We all headed back to Times Square to bask in the neon lights and the rabble of the flash mob of people that just didn't think to die down. There were school groups, lovers, small and large families and of course students like us, in town to have some fun for Thanksgiving Break. We took a lot of pictures and had to resist the urge to grab hotdogs and honey roasted nuts, which was incredibly difficult. At least for me, it was. I honestly feel like I came to New York to eat good food, and I think that's a legit purpose for a vacation. Especially when you live in a culinarily depraved place as Duke often seems to be.

I arrived back at the apartment at 11pm and here I am, all washed up, ready for bed and blogging.

Today was an awesome day and I just hope tomorrow gets better (with just as good food.)

Photo Count: Around 1000. Epic right? I hope to be able to share them soon.


I learned a couple of things today:
1. New Yorkers are good at predicting when street lights will turn because as soon as they start crossing, the light turns to green. Nasty.
2. New Yorkers are always eager to get across the street.
3. I need to live in New York. Legit need.

As I write this very sentence, it is 11:30pm on the night of Monday, November 23rd, 2009. I am comfortably sitting on a futon in an apartment on East 31st and Park Ave on Manhattan in the city of New York. It's basically what I dreamed it would be and slightly better so that was a good surprise but I expected the worst. Maybe I should take Catherine Willows's advice sometimes. :P

We (Susie, my fellow Vancouverite from Duke and blockmate, and I) arrived an hour ahead of schedule at JFK International Airport at 7pm. We took the taxi through the outer burbs of New York and then arrived on Manhattan via the Midtown Tunnels. We met up with Susie's friend at his apartment on 31st and Park. We came up, settled in, decided where we would be sleeping and made those arrangements. We headed downstairs to grab dinner. His apartment is basically on the edges of Koreatown, so we walked about three blocks to get some Tofu Soup and good Korean BBQ.

After an amazingly satisfactory meal and suppressing the hunger for chocolate (AKA Max Brenner) and adventure, we decided to come back to his room to settle down, relax a little bit and get a lot of Zs before heading out bright and early on our sightseeing tour around town.

That brings me back to now, 11:35pm.

Not very exciting but come on, what do you expect from the first night that I arrive. I have many more entries to come, obviously (Tuesday night, Wednesday night, Thursday night and Friday night).

Be back soon!

I hope everyone else is having a good start to the Thanksgiving holiday week.

So here I am, just as I promised. Two and a half hours behind schedule, but we're on track.

So I'm off to NEW YORK CITY tomorrow, in about 12 hours. I'm super excited because New York is my favorite city in the whole wide world (as immature and childish as that sounds) and my ultimate life goal is to end up living there some day so you can see why it's such a big deal for me. I've only been to NYC one other time and that was just for one day and most of the time on a bus. Despite the fact that I did get to see Phantom on Broadway, one day (less than 24 hours) is MUCH too little for anyone to enjoy New York proper. This time I'll be there for 4 days and although that's most definitely not as long as I would like, it's long enough to enjoy it but short enough so that it leaves me begging for more. I always feel like that's the best place to end a vacation because then you know that you will come back some other time. If you stay in one place for too long, you end up getting tired of it and that's no good for the end of a vacation.

It's 6AM and I'm still not tired, which is crazy. I guess it's probably because I woke up late and all that weekend Sunday goodness. I only woke up late because I got back to my room from editing my film all day Saturday until 5:30AM. That's a whole another story altogether and one that I won't share because it just ends somewhere along the lines of "Why would I do that, I'm so stupid" and that's not what this post is about. Obvi.

But yes, EXCITEMENT!! That's one good news out of a really bad and just generally depressed week I've been having. It's definitely that time of the month but the gloomy-ass weather hasn't been helping. As I speak, it is pouring buckets outside and it makes me worry about our flight tomorrow. Boo, Durham weather.

I guess this week's been just really hectic and stressful overall and I took all of today to just get over it and relax a little bit, which I did. I caught up on some feel-good romantic comedies including Made of Honor (for the third time - I don't know why, it's not like I particularly like that film, I just like the way it makes me feel afterward.)

Anyway, bottom line is: I'm super excited to spend the next 5 days in New York City, and have every reason to be but I'm still recovering from the emotional low I've been having this week. I hope NYC is the answer to my problems and the response to my prayers.

Save me?

For the past week or so, I've been dying to write in my LiveJournal. The only reason I haven't gotten around to it is because I haven't had anything interesting to say or to talk about, even. I just had this really strong urge to express my angst and stress in a creative manner, but haven't had the proper outlet or the right motivation to do it.

This past week has been really busy and really stressful. I was supposed to be done with my film shoot on Monday and I was uber happy about it. It wasn't until I returned my film equipment that I realized I had missed two shots and would have to go back for them because they're really quite important. How could I forget. Seriously. That's why I had the shot list. I just...happened to miss it at that time. Boo. So the stress continues, and on top of that our film instructor told us that rough cuts were due before Thanksgiving. I just thought we had to wrap shooting before Thanksgiving. So now I'm going to have to spend the majority of my weekend in an editing room, instead of relaxing. Shit.

I have two papers and a presentation due Friday and they're in two different languages. GREAT. At least I got one over and done with today so I can focus on the other one tomorrow. The French one is tomorrow, obviously because I'm too scared shitless to try and tackle it right now. I might have a nervous breakdown. haha.. So I'm going to have to work my ass off at the library with the French book and rent equipment for my shoot on Friday. I have to also help my friend shoot tomorrow as well so it really really really won't be fun at all. Wish me luck?

On a brighter note, I did get my December issue of Esquire magazine today and played around with the idea of webcamming with Downey Jr. for about half an hour. Just as he said, we did seem entwined in this strange dimension of existence that it was really strange. You know what's even weirder though? I dreamt about him last night. I can't remember the exact specifics but I can tell you what did happen in a very vague way. For some reason, he and I ended up going skydiving/parachuting and although he was on a very busy and tight schedule, he agreed to stick around afterwards and give me an autograph. So he signed a magazine (might have been a picture) and I gave him a Duke sticker (don't know where that came from) and he appreciated that. Drawing up immense amounts of courage, I asked him if he could take a picture with me and he gladly obliged. Even in my dream state, I remember screaming with joy and when I said "My life is complete.", he laughed and found that very funny.

It obviously sucked to have to be torn awake from that dream by my dumb alarm clock but life had to begin again, so I had to leave my dream RDJ and go on with my day. Really sad when that had to happen.

The good thing about being this busy and this stressed out is that I don't have the time to mull over my personal problems. I guess it's a type of escape that isn't very enjoyable but it gets the job done. I don't have to think about how I feel really lonely at times and how I'm still very uncertain about what to do with my life and how much I enjoy going about my life at this present point in time. I guess writing that down made me think about it again but seeing the post-it listing all the things I have to do in the next couple of days makes it all better. Well, worse but better. I don't think I'm being very clear. Ha.

Anyway, I just have to hang tight for about...4 more days and I'm off to NYC on Monday night for Thanksgiving Break with my good friend here. It's going to be relaxing, busy, fun and most importantly, away from here. I will probably make another post before I go off.

Does Sunday at 3am work for you?

Excellent.

So, here I am, with a midterm to study for and a chapter of French reading to do but watching RDJ clips on youtube and posting on LJ instead. How glorious is my life right now?

The day started off bad. When I opened my eyes it was 12:30pm and I realized that I set the alarm but I hadn't turned it on. So I missed two important classes and I wanted to hit myself over the head. I got up quickly, changed into sweats and headed to Yoga. The weather was awful today and that obviously didn't help my feeling down on my luck and unmotivated. I went into Yoga expecting to do some downward dog and warrior poses but we had a guest speaker who spoke and taught us meditation. I had never tried it before so I thought it might be nice to immerse myself for the class, see what it's like.

It was strange. There were many thoughts and many urges to fidget or itch but I almost felt paralyzed in the pose and it was incredibly hard to move. My mind felt clear and my walk to Personality lecture was crisp and fresh. But there, I immersed myself back into my daily routine of worrying and sorting out what I have to do instead of what I am doing.

I always told myself and other people that I don't worry about things. I wanted to believe that I wasn't much of a worrier but today I realized that I worry excessively. After arriving at Duke, I developed a strange OCD-type attitude towards time and when I would go somewhere, meet someone or do something. If a time wasn't set the day before, it made me anxious and nervous. Yeah. That's what I realized today.

My friend came over and we had some nice bonding time over a pot of hot ramen and it was just what I needed on a shitty, rainy day. I felt a little better and proceeded to procrastinate and do anything else but study for the Italian midterm and read the French reading. Which is what I'm still doing I guess. Not good.

On the bright side, my cold has gotten better and I just have a bit of phlegm in my cough and not much more. I did give it to a couple of my hallmates though and they are now suffering, so I took pity and gave them some medicine. That's what sucks about living in a college dormitory: if one person is infected, the rest of the dorm is soon to follow. This time, i guess I was the perp.


I guess I'm getting back into the LJ groove but I'm going through another diary phase. Wish me luck with this one, maybe it'll last.

And I apologize for the lack of writing tact in this entry. For some reason my ability to write is getting worse and I think it's because I'm not getting much practice anymore. Back when I used to write fanfiction, it was my daily workout but now I don't have any of that. I really need to write more.


Picspam for today:



Try and tell me that this isn't adorable.

I started to dislike the old layout, so I decided to get a new one. Credits to milou_veronica for another great layout!!!

In other news, my glorious trip to Los Angeles got cancelled. :( My dad was going to be there to put on a concert and I was simply going there to see him and obviously have some good father-daughter bonding time, but alas...the singer who was supposed to perform at the concert had to bow out because he was diagnosed with H1N1. Psh. Weaksauce. :P I hope he gets better soon.

So my week of ultimate stressful-ness is just going to continue on without that fresh air that LA was going to provide. But that's okay, maybe I'll take some downtime instead of having to worry about working my busy-enough schedule around this whole dealio.

Other than that, nothing much is new. I've recently started Twitter, have loads and loads of work as usual. I am now going to proceed and take a nap. :P 

Do you think I should start a new tagging system? I believe so.

Random picspam:

 
Yay! Made brand new icons for RDJ and feeling lovely about it. I got a new mood theme too! Props!

Still stressed out as ever. Have an interview for a executive position in the Student Government tomorrow. I'll let y'all know how that goes. 


Murphy was a filmmaker. It's so true. Whatever can go wrong, goes wrong on a film set. Especially if it's a no-budget, independent film. UGH.

 
So I don't know if I've written this down already but I am taking 5.5 courses this semester. I have PSY 100 (Abnormal), PSY 114 (Personality), FRENCH 111 (Paris 1913: Avant-Garde Literature), ITALIAN 1 (Elementary), FVD 130 (Intro to Production) and Yoga. 

So far, it's been a smooth ride, which occasional periods of stress. Midterms, papers, films. But everyone has those, it was normal. But I think I'm going to get my entire workload's share within this one month. I don't know why I'm stressing so much over it but I can't stop thinking about it and I think I'm coming down with something as a result. 

So my final project/exam in my film course is...well, a film. It's a 5-7 minute film, based on a screenplay that I write. So I have to schedule a shoot, cast actors, write/perfect my screenplay, rent equipment, scout locations, and do all that. Before Thanksgiving.

Normally, I wouldn't have a problem with this...but I'm going to be out of town for 2 weekends out of 4 this month, when I have the most work. I definitely did not foresee this so I can't blame anyone but...well, time. If there were more hours in the day of if I just happened to never need sleep (and no one else for that matter), this wouldn't be a problem. 

I have a midterm, a presentation in Italian, a psych quiz and you know, some french reading and a paper eventually due next week. This is incredibly awful and I just need some good music but I can't seem to be landing any good notes today. 

Just thought I'd rant, you know, release the stress. 

Thanks for listening. 

 
So today is the second day of November, which I find completely outrageous. That means I only have about 4 more weeks until the end of classes, my 19th birthday and then winter break. Which means first semester has ended. Which also means that I'm almost halfway through my college career. It feels like it hasn't even started and talk about it being half over! But then again, I guess you could think about it as, I still have another half to go! 

Optimism, dear.

I hope everyone had a swell halloween, because I know I did! :)

And by the way, have people watched Season 4 of Ally Mcbeal?...There is so much love in that show, it's incredible. 

Well I guess that whole premise of posting during Fall Break went out the window as well. I was just so caught up with my ability to be unproductive, I just never reached LJ. It was a very good break, though, I'll tell you that far.

It's really crazy how fast the months are passing by this semester and sooner or later, it'll be thanksgiving, then it'll be my birthday, then final exams and then 2010. Isn't that insane? Then I'll be halfway done my Sophomore year. And before you know it, I'll have graduated. That was a crazy procession of events but true nonetheless.  

I'm not quite sure what I want to talk about right now and what kind of thoughts I need to get arranged, but I just want to say that for the past little while, I've been quite happy with my life despite the loneliness and angst that interrupts it occasionally. I don't know what it is about my life right now that seems good in my mind but I'm glad it's taken this turn. Just about a month ago, I randomly decided that playing around with people and not being honest to myself was no good, that I'd just rather be honest to myself and about myself than waste my time pretending to feel something I don't or to be something I'm not. It's just for my peace of mind, I guess, but it's been a life-changing revelation so far. 

So yeah, I'm pretty honest about my feelings now and honest about who I am. I can reject peer pressure, pursue what I want to pursue and live the life that I want to live rather than what other people tell me to live. Is this wonderfully and incredibly naive? Maybe.

On a brighter note, Duke Basketball season started last week with our scrimmage but more officially starts next week with our first exhibition game during Parents' Weekend. I'm so excited by the prospects of how the team looks, it's going to be incredible. I'm never going abroad for spring semester. Never.

 The long-awaited hiatus comes. It's fall break and this time, it's well-deserved.

 This week was perhaps one of the hardest I've ever had the privilege of experiencing. There were midterms, tests, loads of homework assignments. In the past 52 hours, I have slept 5 hours and it's still counting. I think it's going to end up being around 60 hours with 5 hours of sleep when I'm through with today.

 If this week had been any other week, I probably would have fallen into a deep recession, one that is filled with angst and tormented moods. But this time, timing was on my side and fall break comes like a red tube comes to a stranded sailor out in the tumultuous sea.  I can actually be happy because I now have about 5 days of absolute vegging out to look forward to. Unproductivity, here I come. 

I will update on what happens throughout the 5 days. I'm sure I will have interesting musings to share, now that I actually have time to sit down at my desk and take a breather. ;)